Singlish

When going shopping...

Britons : I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans: No Stock! Wa lan deh!

When returning a call...

Britons : Hello, this is Mr Bean. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
S'poreans: Hello, who page?

When someone is in the way...

Britons : Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
S'poreans: Lai, siam! or Siam, hor! or Skius!

When someone offers to pay...

Britons : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
S'poreans: No-nid. (no need)

When asking for permission...

Britons : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
S'poreans: (while pointing at door) Can or Not?

When asking to be excused...

Britons : If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment.
S'poreans: Go toilet. Cannot tahan oreddy.

When entertaining...

Britons : Please make yourself right at home.
S'poreans: Don't shy, leh!

When doubting someone...

Britons : I don't recall you giving me the money.
S'poreans: Where got?

When declining an offer...

Britons : I'd prefer no to do that, if you don't mind.
S'poreans: Doe-waaaan.

When deciding on a plan of action...

Britons : What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out & all the restaurants are closed?
S'poreans: So how?

When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...

Britons : Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the policy.
S'poreans: Talk cock, lah you!

When asking someone to lower their voice...

Britons : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
S'poreans: Eh, tiam, can or not?

When asking someone if he/she knows you...

Britons : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
S'poreans: See what?